Father Peter's Forum

Val J. Peter

Introduction:

Family-Teachers were asked to respond to a survey regarding how to better implement religious and moral development of the boys and girls who are in Boys Town’s programs, especially long term residential. We share those questions now with you as well as the answers. Please give us feedback. National President Father Boes asked me to help with this important area.

1. Q: Is Boys Town officially a Catholic organization? The answer is that it is not
officially Catholic, but is Catholic in spirit.

A: In 1917, Father Flanagan founded Boys Town as nondenominational (not
Catholic). He didn’t want to get involved in anyone’s church politics. His Catholic bishop agreed with him and we’ve been that way ever since.

At the same time, Father Flanagan’s faith was that kind of Catholic faith which was the same faith that was shared in the basics with many, many other Christian denominations, namely, a traditional belief in God, in the gospels and in the Ten Commandments as traditionally understood. This is the bedrock of our Boys Town spiritual and religious foundation.

So at the center of our religious training are two things. First, traditional understanding of the Christian faith and Ten Commandments (in common with so many other Christians). Secondly, an absolute insistence that: Every girl and boy need to pray. How they pray is up to them. No proselytism.

2. Q: What is proselytism and how do we avoid it?

A: Proselytism means in direct or indirect ways communicating a
message to our children that they should embrace our denominational preference.

The following are not proselytism:

 Introducing your own family religious practices to the youth in your house provided you don’t say yours is a better way or a superior way.
 It is not proselytism to pray in a Baptist way as long as it is encouraged for Catholic kids to pray in a Catholic way, Lutheran kids to pray in a Lutheran way. If you insist your way is better or the only way (you allow) that’s proselytism.
 It is not proselytism to invite your Boys Town kids to go to your church, for example, when your natural children have a Christmas pageant. It is proselytism to have them go and encourage them to do an “altar call” (sometimes part of a Christmas pageant) when altar calls are not part of their religious denomination.
 It is not proselytism to explain your religious denomination to your youth as long as they can, with your approval, explain their religious beliefs to you. It is proselytism to do the opposite.
 It is not proselytism to invite your pastor over to a family meal. It is proselytism for that pastor to say his is a better way of worshipping God. So if some pastors truly believe they have the better way and are going to say that then you would be wise not to invite them. And that is true whether the pastor is a Catholic, a Lutheran, a Baptist, a Rabbi or an Imam.
 What do you say when a youth in your home sees on TV a priest or minister or rabbi or imam who is clearly doing bad and immoral things? A good Boys Town response is: Jesus had one traitor among the 12 apostles, Judas. That doesn’t mean the other 11 weren’t good. They were very good.
 What do you say if a boy’s mother is a Roman Catholic and on cocaine? Or what do you say if a boy’s mother is a Baptist and a severe alcoholic? The Boys Town answer is: Your mom is all confused. She needs help. And on one hand, you have to pray for her and, on the other hand, you cannot let her hurt you. What she is doing is wrong.
 It is not proselytism to try to explain religious things to your youth. It is proselytism to tell them that they cannot talk to the chaplains or the religion department or to tell them the religion department or the chaplains have nothing good to offer.
 There are some things which only the religion department or chaplains should decide (for example: unhappy consumers with Boys Town’s position on religion. The religion department and chaplains should take care of this.) Some denominations such as some Jehovah’s Witnesses, some holiness churches, some Mormons, some Baptists have views such as not praying with others, not observing Christmas, not celebrating the 4th of July, etc. These are the kinds of questions that should be referred to the religion department or chaplains. These chaplains have lots of experience in this regard and can help. The goal of the chaplains is to continue Father Flanagan’s spirit and mission and try to make all parties satisfied. Often consumers are more willing to listen to compassionate chaplains and be more reasonable.
 Sometimes clinical directors, with much good will, want to answer religious questions and not refer them to chaplains. That is a mistake. Their good will is to be praised, but their expertise is not religion and spirituality. Please refer these matters to chaplains. That way conflict will be avoided.
 Sometimes parents will insist that their child not go to any church or only go to the parents’ preferential church. What do we do? Please refer this to chaplains whose basic rule is this: The chaplain will talk to the parents and get an agreement. Often the agreement is the child will not go to church for a period of time and do humanitarian service instead. Or the parent will agree, after a period of time, to let the child decide. If we are patient with each other, this works very well. An example is a parent who had converted from Christianity to Judaism and insisted that his son go to the Jewish services even though the boy had been a Methodist all his life. The chaplains reached a compromise and it worked out fine.
 What about extremist religious groups? If they are like James Jones of Jonestown or some other secret cult, then we all need to join together to help that child to safety away from that group. Father Flanagan would want us to do that.
 So there is an important relationship between Family-Teachers and chaplains and the religion department. All parties need to go the extra mile. This consists of, first, cooperation and, secondly, each party recognizing their limitations. For example, Family-Teachers do not have the same say about the religion of their boys or girls as they would of their own natural children.

3. Reception of the sacraments for youth.

Q: What about Baptism and First Communion for Dowd Chapel
participants?

A: Have your youth talk to their religion teacher in Wegner and
the high school. Often their religion teacher will do the preparation or Father Peter or Father Eugene will help with the instructions. The children usually choose their sponsors and they are asked to check with their families to make sure that they choose someone who is acceptable. Like all events involving many people, everyone has to be patient and jiggle schedules so as to be present. While the youth very much would like to have their families present, sometimes it just doesn’t happen. But, more often than not, it happens that we will go way out of our way to make sure the Family-Teachers are present. So we need to coordinate the process. Father Peter would like to be of help in this regard. Please contact him.

Q: What is the process for our youth to be confirmed in Dowd Chapel?

A: Requests are made either by the youth’s family or by the youth
themselves. A Confirmation class is held in high school in the fall semester. There are some youth who, when they begin the class, do not know if they want to be confirmed or not. Remember Father Flanagan’s policy of every youth getting to choose. In addition, Family-Teachers are encouraged to get involved. The date for Confirmation is usually one of the first three Sundays in January. This is set by the Catholic bishop according to his schedule. The families of youth are, not only invited but, encouraged to be there.

Q: What if a caseworker is not in agreement with reception of the
sacraments?

A: It seldom, if ever, happens because there is separation of Church and
State and once they are reminded of that, things flow smoothly. If there is still conflict, please contact a priest or chaplain to resolve the dispute.

Q: What is family members do not want their children baptized?

A: We have to follow the wishes of the parent who has custody. I know
this causes conflicts at times, but we do have to follow their wishes. And the one who does not have custody will often say that “the family’s wishes are not considered.”

Q: What to do when the chaplains or religion department set a youth up
for Baptism and the family member who has custody is not in agreement?

A: The religion department and chaplains set a youth up for Baptism
when the family is in agreement. If they aren’t in agreement that means somehow communication has broken down and they need to talk to each other. It can be worked out.

4. Bible Study.

Q: When custodial parents are requesting their child attend bible study,
do we make the child go even if the child does not want to?

A: Please refer this to the chaplains who have had very, very good luck
in negotiating these matters with parents. In almost all cases, it can be worked out so that the parents are relatively happy and the child doesn’t feel forced.

5. Attending Services

Q: Do Jewish, Muslim and Islamic youth have the same rules about
attending services as other youth?

A: Yes. On the Home Campus, there’s a good relationship between the
synagogues and Boys Town. It’s solid and works very well. There’s also a working relationship between the Islamic Center and Muslim youth. These Muslim and Jewish youth are required to attend their services on a weekly basis.

Q: Are there times when youth who are Jewish or Muslim cannot attend
their own services?

A: There are two kinds of times:

 If a youth is out of control, they can go to no church or no synagogue or no Islamic Center. They need to be under control first.
 There are very few other times except on a very rare occasion. For example, there have been times in the past when, with the permission of their parents, Muslim children did not go to the Islamic Center because the services were more of a political nature than religious. The parents agreed with us. But that is very rare.

Q: Is there a requirement that the children know their prayers before
they can go to a synagogue or Islamic Center?

A: Of course not. They learn their prayers by going there.

Q: Why on Sundays do Jews and Muslims go to the Parish Center at 9:30? Why
can’t they stay at home?

A: Because Family-Teachers and Assistants should be at either Dowd or
Chambers Chapel with their Boys Town youth and not be at home.

6. Ecumenical Services

Q: What about ecumenical services that are held at Thanksgiving and
Christmas in Dowd Chapel?

A: The word ecumenical means a service of various Christian
denominations. We do not require either Jewish, Muslim or other children to attend because that would be proselytizing. Similarly, part of the senior retreat was Christian in nature, the last stop which is at the Holy Family Shrine on a hill overlooking the Platte Valley. Islamic youth are advised not to attend because that is proselytizing and would be offensive to either them or their parents. If they want to and their parents/guardian give permission, then it’s a green light.

Q: Can Family-Teachers use their own religious experiences to share
with youth?

A: Of course they can if it is positive and helpful and if it does not say
this is the only way to get in touch with the Lord. (We do not proselytize.)

7. Q: Why is religion important?

A: Because it helps a youth, really and truly helps a youth find healing
and hope. Study after study after study shows that children who open their hearts to religion in a healthy fashion find great healing and great hope and are grateful that they have.

8. Q: What is the place of religion in Boys Town?

A: Boys Town finds a middle ground for religion between
two extremes:

a. The first extreme is to only give lip service to the healing power of religion. How many childcare places do we know that have sad, nondescript, unattractive, optional Sunday service? This is a sad secular position.
b. Then there are those who make religion the total explanation for everything. If you only read the Bible five or ten minutes a day or do certain religious things every day then you’re guaranteed to get better. There is no empirical evidence to support this.
c. We hold a middle ground:

• We know from experience without solid spiritual underpinnings our children and families will be swept out to sea on the tide of despair, alienation, loneliness and bitterness.
• There are all kinds of empirical studies to show this is true.
• To say it another way, there is a war against our children and families waged by the forces of abuse, neglect, alienation, dysfunctionality, divorce, suicide, gangs and violence. If a child and family do not get in touch with a “Higher Power” then there is powerlessness before these terrible forces in our lives.

9. Q: Doesn’t the First Amendment to the Constitution say we have to be neutral
toward religion?

A: No. Only the government and its agents need to be neutral. That’s the role
of government to neither support one religion or another and also not to support secularism over religion.

We at Boys Town are not neutral because we are not government. We are agents of encouragement, not agents of neutrality. We encourage the children to get in touch with a “Higher Power.”

We have a policy of encouragement. This is what we tell our kids. “You really do need to go to church on Sundays and you need to learn how to pray if the powers of abuse, neglect, abandonment and loneliness are not to destroy your hopes and dreams.”

10. Q: How do we ask staff to operationalize this policy of encouragement?

A:
a. Be a role model of faith yourself. (As a staff person you have to model for our children your own faith life.)
b. Teach our children to pray regularly (before meals, morning prayers, night prayers, praying for sick relatives or friends and all other kinds of prayers).
c. Teach the children in your care to read the Bible regularly (or the holy
books of their religion, whatever they are).
d. Be sure your children attend religious services (You need to be with
them.)
e. We also need to remember that too much prayer is not a good thing either. The rule is: moderation in everything.

11. Q: What kind of public worship should we encourage?

A: The public worship we take our children to should avoid extremes:

a. It should not be entertainment on one hand.
b. Neither should it be a simple chore on the other hand.

12. Q: Don’t children have rights and shouldn’t we respect them?

A: Of course, children have rights. And to teach them to respect
those rights, we need to do the following:

a. We need to be sure that children do not use “rights language (I have a right and you can’t force me to do anything else)” to flip the bird to authority. That’s not respectful and it’s not what rights are all about. Did you ever say to your mother: “I have a right to dinner tonight.” What did she say: “In a family, we have rights, but we don’t talk that way. It is disrespectful to our family unity.
b. Adolescents are not “little adults.” We need to present freedom of religion in such a way that they can respond to it respectfully.
c. So never say boldly “You have a right not to go to church today if you don’t want to.” That kind of language is:
• insulting
• inviting opposition
• inviting defiance.
d. That kind of language is good for jails and prisons which are places where prisoners disrespect guards and guards disrespect prisoners.
e. Boys Town is not a prison. We are a family.
f. “The family that prays together stays together.”

13. Q: Do staff sometimes try to impose their religious convictions on youth?

A: If they do, it is a violation of Boys Town policy and a violation of
youth rights.

Here are two fictional examples:

a. One of our employees is a member of a Christian denomination that says only members of his denomination can be saved and he tries to convince our youth of that. This is proselytism and is a violation of our policy and a violation of a child’s rights.
b. Here is a staff member whose own private beliefs are that public prayer isn’t important at all and so he emphasizes with a youth that they should exercise their “right to refuse public worship.” This also is a violation of a child’s rights and a violation of our policies.

Both employees in these examples are subject to termination if they continue to engage in these behaviors.

14. Q: Is Satanism a religion?

A: No. Satanism is not a religion and it is not permitted and neither is WICCA
or magic. JACHO says so!

15. Q: What if a child comes totally convinced that they do not want to take part in
public worship?

A: This child is to be assigned humanitarian service while the others are at
church. This is in accord with freedom of religion. There is no law against the requirement of humanitarian service in lieu of religious services. Humanitarian service must be off campus and must be as serious as religious services are serious. Caring for one’s neighbor is a serious business.

It is good to remember that a youth here who is out of self-control should go neither to religious services nor to humanitarian service. Neither religious services nor humanitarian services are a punishment. They are an opportunity.

Refusal of humanitarian services or religious services means that once the youth is under self-control he/she needs to make these up by going either to another religious service or another humanitarian opportunity off campus.

16. Q: Are there times when regulatory agents will insist that Boys Town
follow procedures hostile to religion?

A: It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes it does. These folks need to be
politely reminded that what they are doing is in violation of the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution which prohibits hostility to religion. Hostility can take many forms. One of them is the insistence that religious practices can be so difficult or onerous for staff that no one will want to engage in them.

17. Q: Does Boys Town follow the statutes and the regulations of the
federal government and state in which we have programs?

A: Yes. Boys Town does follow these and we are in compliance
with them as rightly interpreted.

18. Q: Are there children who are atheists?

A: It is good to remember that children are not little adults and so
they are not atheists in the sense that adults are atheists.

There are two kinds of children who declare themselves to be “opposed to anything having to do with God.”

a. Have you ever met a child who has (unfortunately) been told that they are exceptionally bright or brilliant? The result is often that behaviorally they act like eggheads in and out of school and are ostracized by fellow classmates.

It frequently happens that the more they are ostracized the more eggheaded they act. And often times, they will declare themselves to be opposed to religion for the simple reason that the socially adept kids like religion and rejection of it is a way to get back at them. They have no social skills.

The remedy for this is not to force religion down their throats but to teach them the social skills they need to renew their membership in the human race. For you see, their practical atheism has nothing to do with God. It is, rather, their way of flipping the bird at kids whom they feel alienated from.

b. There are other children who want nothing to do with God for this reason. Here is Tim. Let’s let Tim tell his own story. “I never knew my dad. I got a step-dad when I was three years old. He was the finest dad in the world. Last year when I was nine, he got very, very sick. I prayed to God real hard every night that God would not let him die. But he died anyway. And so I don’t want to have anything to do with God. I don’t care what anybody says. I’m not going to pray to God ever again as long as I live.”

What I did with Tim was this. “Tim, what are the three steps in the skill called Taking No for an Answer?” Tim said: “The three steps are: first, look at the person; second, say OK; and thirdly, don’t whine, complain, holler or yell.” “Tim, what you need to do now is go over to church and step one, look at God, step two, say OK (Thy Will be done on earth as it is in heaven) and step three, no whining, complaining or crabbing.” I have never known this to fail. In Tim’s case, he came back from church and with tears in his eyes, he said: “Thanks, Father, I needed that.”

19. Q: What are the goals for religious development for our children?

A:
a. Help each child appreciate and cherish his or her fundamental relationship with God, who loves and understands him or her.
b. Help each child become a role model of faith for others.
c. Help each child attend worship services regularly.
d. Help each child learn more about his or her faith.
e. Help each child to become a person who prays regularly and appreciates the religious significance of special events like Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Passover, Easter, Thanksgiving, birthdays, Baptismal days and other personal milestones.
f. Help each child develop sound, solid religious habits (praying, reading their Bible) at home.
g. Help each child develop a positive relationship with clergy.
h. Help each child develop a balanced spiritual and mortal life, one that is not over-exaggerated or under-exaggerated.

20. Q: What if a youth comes into our treatment family program with no
religious affiliation or family preference?

A: Such a youth will have an opportunity to spend a certain amount of time
in study and prayer alternatively in the Protestant tradition and the Roman Catholic tradition and/or other great religious traditions.

After this period of study and prayer, the youth will make a choice and personal decision regarding his or her religious preference and pursue this choice with further prayer and study on the way to baptism/full admission into that chosen faith. Parents and/or guardians are to be involved in this process.

21. Q: What if a youth in a residential home wishes to change from one religious
tradition to another?

A: He or she is certainly free to do so and is asked to observe the following
procedures for carrying out the decision:

a. Discuss this request with the Family-Teachers.
b. Discuss this request with his or her present Campus Chaplain.
c. Obtain written permission from his or her parent or guardian. (No authorization from his or her present Campus Chaplain is to be signed without this written permission.)
d. Discuss this request with the Campus Chaplain of the requested religious orientation and have the authorization signed.
e. Discuss this request with his or her present religion teacher and have the authorization signed.
f. Discuss this request with the requested religion teacher and have the authorization signed.
g. Report to his or her guidance counselor to complete the schedule change process.

22. Q: What is the goal of the promotion of religious and moral values?

A: Youth Care Workers, Assistant Family-Teachers and Family-Teachers
have the delicate responsibility of helping a youth’s faith and moral life grow without proselytism (that is, without directly or indirectly trying to influence the youth to accept the denominational preference of the Youth Care Worker, Assistant Family-Teacher or Family-Teacher).